Donald J. Trump took to Truth Social to announce on Sunday that Republicans plan to deploy a large “Election Integrity Army” to every single state for the 2026 midterms. “Be assured this election will be fair,” he wrote. Trump is like the guy, let’s call him John Barron, OK?, who shows up to a poker game with his own deck in hand, a metal detector, and an assortment of dubious characters, then says, “Relax, everybody, the game’s totally on the level this time.”
This is the same man who spent years treating “fair elections” like an infectious diarrhea, who is now promising it’ll be super fair as long as his poll watchers outnumber the voters in key spots. The “assured” part is doing a lot of heavy lifting there—like a mob boss saying, “Nice democracy you got here, it’d be a shame if something happened to it.”
With Trump’s poll numbers in the shitter, while doing nothing for the American people to rectify that, he’s growing increasingly desperate. And then there are the redistricting wars between Democrats and Republicans, after he pulled the first punch.
“Palestinian Chuck Schumer is hiring Eric Holder, famous for handing guns to Mexican cartels under the Barack Hussein Obama administration, as part of a Democrat-led “Election Integrity Group” that will no doubt try to suppress Republican voters, and interfere in our Elections,” he insisted. “Furthermore, Marc Elias, a terrible lawyer with a horrible track record, is also involved.”
“This is the same disgusting individual who was responsible for the fake Russia dossier from a foreign nation to meddle in the 2016 Election, which I won in historic fashion,” he continued. “The Democrats are totally unhinged and we will not allow them to threaten the integrity of our Elections.”
“During my Historic Election in 2024, when I won every single Swing State, and decisively won both the Electoral and Popular votes by wide margins, the Republicans had an Election Integrity Army in every single State to preserve the sanctity of each legal vote,” he added. “We will be doing the same again in 2026, but it will be much bigger and stronger. All Americans should have their voices be heard by casting a vote. Be assured this Election will be fair! President DONALD J. TRUMP”
Marc Elias, a nationally recognized authority in voting rights, redistricting, and law, is the opposite of a “terrible lawyer with a horrible track record.” This is why Trump is mad at Elias:
Trump is gonna Trump. At least he’s consistent. I know, Donald. Why not post more of your fanfic AI images to garner more support from your mouth-breathing base? Problem solved!