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This Week: We’re Relitigating 1868, Because Apparently That’s Where We Are

March 30, 2026
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This Week: We’re Relitigating 1868, Because Apparently That’s Where We Are
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Just for context, the 14th Amendment includes,

“All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States.”

The W$J reports that our illegitimate and failed SCOTUS is going to hear the birthright citizenship case this week, and that Vulgarmort is already planning on how to spin defeat (assuming a fact not in evidence):

“The case, which will be argued Wednesday, tests Trump’s attempt to end birthright citizenship for the children of unlawful immigrants and temporary visitors. He has gotten trounced in the lower courts, and several conservative Supreme Court justices have already hinted, through little-noticed cues, that they may be skeptical, too.”

“A ruling against the president would further undercut Trump’s stated desire for a court that rubber-stamps his agenda. In the six weeks since the tariff decision, he has repeatedly disparaged the patriotism and loyalty of the justices who ruled against him.”

“’They sicken me, because they’re bad for our country,’ Trump said last week.”

“He also predicted on social media that the court “will find a way to come to the wrong conclusion” on birthright citizenship—an outcome, he said, that other nations would celebrate.”

So he’s prepping the mouthbreathers to blame THEM and not HIM.

“Amid Trump’s attacks, his solicitor general, D. John Sauer, will stand before the justices and endorse a once-fringe theory about citizenship that even some hard-line conservative scholars rejected. He will ask the court to upend the longstanding notion that virtually anyone born on American soil is a citizen.”

“In 2024, Trump campaigned on doing exactly that. As with his global tariffs, he sees the issue as a political cudgel.”

“’I think President Trump believes that he wins politically no matter what the Supreme Court does,’ said César Cuauhtémoc García Hernández, a law professor at Ohio State University. ‘If he loses at the Supreme Court, he can point to the justices as the bad guys.’”

If the SCOTUS rules against Hair Füror’s wishes, we can expect non-stop shrieking from his pocket Nazi, PeeWee German (pronouns: he, Himmler).

And now, the W$J introduces the Racing Forum to the story, looking for handicaps:

“Most tellingly, Justice Clarence Thomas has already adopted a broad interpretation of the citizenship clause, albeit in a different context. In a 2022 case about federal benefits for Puerto Rico residents, Thomas argued that the clause promises equal protection for all citizens.”

“Though birthright citizenship wasn’t an issue in the case, Thomas would have understood the implications of his argument on future litigation over the birthright issue, said Dilan Esper, a lawyer who has written on birthright citizenship.”

“’It makes sense that Clarence Thomas, the descendant of slaves, thinks the citizenship clause is extremely important,’ Esper said. ‘He thinks it’s really important that the authors of the 14th Amendment came in and granted citizenship on this principle that there’s no second class of people born in this country.’”

I admire him for giving the benefit of the doubt to ol’ Clarence Thomas, but that undermines Thomas’ basic premise that Christians and Republicans are special and is opposed to others being equal and frames it as special privileges when things are equal.

It should be the highlight of the week to read how this goes down.

Published with permission of Mock Paper Scissors



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